How do I get over a breakup?
As a therapist, I see women walk through breakups every day. People often tells us to "get back out there" or "find a distraction," but healing isn't about running—it’s about processing the loss so you don't carry the weight of it into your next chapter or your next relationship.
Here is how we begin to mend the pieces:
Audit Your Digital Space: Your brain is physically addicted to your ex right now—literally, breakups trigger the same pathways as withdrawal. Help your neurochemistry by muting, unfollowing, or blocking. You cannot heal in the same environment that made you sick, and "checking in" on their life only resets your healing clock.
Feel the "Ugly" Feelings: There is no trophy for being the "chill ex." If you are angry, be angry. If you are grieving, sob. According to research on emotional regulation, suppressing these feelings only makes them stay in your body longer. Give yourself a "grief window" each day—30 minutes to feel it all—and then gently pivot to another task.
De-Identify from the "Failure": A breakup is an event, not an identity. Just because this relationship ended doesn't mean you are "unlovable" or "bad at relationships." Shift your narrative from "I failed" to "This person was a chapter in my growth," and focus on what you learned about your own needs.
Reclaim Your Space: Often, our lives become so enmeshed that a breakup feels like losing your favorite coffee shop, your gym, or your hobbies. It’s time for a reclamation project. Go to those places alone or with friends. Decorate your space in a way you love. Remind your nervous system that you are safe and whole on your own.
The "Contact List" Pivot: When you feel that 10:00 PM urge to text them, text a "safe person" instead. Build a support system of women who will remind you why you walked away and help you hold the line when your willpower is low.
Healing isn't linear. Some days you’ll feel powerful, and others you’ll feel back at square one. Both are part of the process.