How do you build trust in a relationship?
In my therapy office, I often tell women that trust isn’t a grand, one-time achievement. It’s not something you "win" and then tuck away in a drawer. Instead, trust is built in the tiny, often boring, "in-between" moments of your life—what Dr. John Gottman calls sliding door moments.
If you’re looking to strengthen the foundation of your partnership, here is how we build (and protect) true emotional safety:
Consistency Over Grand Gestures: Trust isn't about the expensive anniversary trip; it's about the fact that when they say they’ll be home at 6:00, they are. Reliability in small things—like following through on a chore or answering a text—creates a predictable environment where your nervous system can finally relax.
The Power of Vulnerability: We often wait to feel "safe" before we are vulnerable, but vulnerability is actually the fuel that creates the safety. Sharing a small fear or an "unattractive" truth allows your partner the chance to show up for you. Trust grows when you risk being seen and are met with care instead of judgment.
Mastering the "Art of the Repair": No relationship is perfect. You will hurt each other. The difference between a fragile bond and an unbreakable one is how you handle the repair process. A true repair involves taking full accountability without "buts," validating your partner's pain, and creating a plan to prevent it from happening again.
Emotional Attunement: This means being "tuned in" to your partner’s internal world. Practice active listening—putting your phone down, making eye contact, and reflecting back what you heard before you respond. It sends the powerful message: "I see you, and your perspective is valid to me, even if I don't agree with it."
Transparency: In a trusting relationship, there are no "shadows." Being an open book about your thoughts, feelings, and even the "small" things you might be tempted to hide keeps the lines of communication clean and prevents the seeds of doubt from ever taking root.
Trust is a choice you make every single day. It’s the decision to believe in your partner’s good intentions while remaining committed to your own boundaries.